Dear, married folks – this one’s for you. I have a request, on behalf of single folks ?
Next time you hear us express excitement about marriage, meeting our spouse, getting to do life together, etc. please don’t greet our enthusiasm with something like:
? “You know, marriage takes work.”
? “You know, marriage can be really hard.”
? “You know, marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be.”
? “You know, I used to be naïve about that belief, too.”
We know ? AND, we’re still looking forward to it❗
Any great thing takes work, can be really hard, and isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
⭐ We understand that marriage isn’t a fairytale story that causes all of our problems to go away.
⭐ We understand that us meeting our spouse doesn’t mean that it’s going to be rainbows and roses for the rest of time.
⭐ We understand that stepping into a relationship with another person is the best (and possibly most frustrating ?/?) mirror of ourselves that we could ever experience.
We get it.
? When we’re expressing our excitement, it’s not for you to give advice or shoot us down. It’s with the hope that you’ll join in and share some of the exciting things we can look forward to in marriage.
? When we’re expressing our excitement, sometimes it’s a huge act of faith to hold onto a desire that still hasn’t come to pass, and we’re hoping you’ll partner your faith with ours to keep that little spark aflame.
? When we’re expressing our excitement about the wonder of marriage, it’s not out of ignorance. We’re aware that it’s not the solution to life’s problems. It’s not that we’re hoping you’ll diminish any difficult thing from us about marriage (or pretend things are perfect once the vows are exchanged), but when we’re expressing excitement, that’s not the time to share the real, raw, and ugly sides of this beautiful blessing.
?♀️ As someone who used to look at relationships as “the answer” and naively thinking once I got married, everything hard would be easy and everything stuck would free-flow, I can assure you, I now fully understand how completely incorrect that way of thinking is!
?♀️ As someone who’s studied marriage, and been learning intentionally from healthy married couples for years, I can assure you that there is a LOT to be excited about. AND, I can assure you that I’m now well-aware that marriage will be one of the most difficult (and most rewarding!!) things you can go through, and I’m here for it!
?♀️ As someone who is single and looking forward to marriage, I’m humbly making this request that you either join in our excitement, or that you stay silent ?
And, if you have a thriving marriage, and you do notice some of that ignorance/naivety in a single person’s approach to marriage (i.e. a belief that it’ll be the end-all, be-all, fix-all), then set up a different time to have that conversation. Don’t stomp out their excitement.
? In my experience, properly applied wisdom (even if it’s hard to hear in the conversation) can stoke the fire and help flames burn brighter and hotter. Rash words, especially at inappropriate times, can blow out the spark and spit on the ashes. Be a flame grower with your words, not a damper.
I’ve had many highs and lows throughout my journey as a single woman, and while there are times that I can easily let comments roll off my back ? there are times where it’s so tender and delicate and me speaking out excitement is my best attempt to breathe life into a dream that sometimes feel like it’ll never happen, and outside comments feel like the heaviest, most detrimental thing.
My feelings aren’t your responsibility, but your comments are ? Please use them wisely.
And if you’re married and really experiencing the “real, raw, and ugly” parts of marriage, and that’s where your sourness is coming from (understandably!), I *highly* encourage you to start listening to the “Abundant Wife” audio series. It’s 5 seasons (56 episodes) of marriage wisdom from women who are doing well, and who have lived through the worst ugliness you can imagine. It will encourage you ? and I believe it will bring you into excitement mode around your marriage!
Single ladies, Abundant Wife will encourage you, too ? And it’ll help you prepare for an awesome marriage, and avoid some common pitfalls!
? abundantwife.com ?
