š¬ Iāve been really scrutinizing my life under a microscope lately – call it a mid-life exploration, a scavenger hunt, or a major Spring cleaning – and hereās one thing thatās been really prevalent as I search, scrupulously, for anything thatās getting in my way of my relationship with God.
Itās been more clear to me than ever that Iāve been gifted this blank check season (more free time than ever, after closing out work I enjoyed with awesome clients at the end of 2021 – another story for another time) to experience a more intimate relationship with my Creator than Iāve ever had the luxury before. Cashing in on carte blanche.
šDid it look at all like what I thought it would? No. Definitely not. When I envisioned getting to have a deeper relationship with God, I envisioned it to be more like life was still happening as normal and Godās and my relationship would be a beautiful dance in and through all of it. What itās more looked like is all the music stopped, no one else is on the dance floor, and Iām awkwardly realizing itās time for me and God to do a solo, with the spotlight shining on us, and to a song Iām unfamiliar with š
Part of it is super cool because itās like this precious time with God – where our focus is solely on each other, and part of it is not-as-cool because Iām hyper aware of realizing itās time for me and God to do a solo, with the spotlight shining on us, and to a song Iām unfamiliar with š¬
The reason this feels really awkward to me, even though Iām in the presence of the One who knit me together in my motherās womb – the One who created me so purposefully, with a hope and a future – the One who has good gifts for me, and loves and cherishes me, and considers me precious – is because Iām noticing things in my life that have been causing a disruption in that very relationship, and thereās some embarrassment there.
ā¤What Iāve concluded is that if it causes a disruption in your relationship with God, itās either a trauma or an idol. Good or bad. Temporary or permanent. Your choice or not.
š If itās interrupting your relationship with God, then itās out of place and needs to be addressed š
It may have been a traumatic incident that you didnāt pick, and you get to heal from it. Or, it may have been a beautiful, exciting adventure that you did choose, but itās taken the place of your connection with God.
Iāve experienced both of these things, and this season (while not being at all what I envisioned):
šIs the season where I get to go deeper into all of this stuff than Iāve ever gone before.
šIs the season where I get to learn to let God lead me in a new way.
šIs the season where I get to reassess what (read: WHO) Iām focusing on, and re-stack priorities.
šIs a season where I get to go from a clumsy beginner to a graceful virtuoso (defined as āa person highly skilled in music or another artistic pursuitā which seems so fitting, given that life is a beautiful mixture of art and pursuit).
šIs the season where Iām being refined in the fire, where the diamond emerges from the pressure, where the preparation is taking place for my biggest and best yet!
šIs the season Iām in, and the one Iām learning to navigate.
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šIām declaring this a major season of breakthrough, freedom, victory, flow, and advancement
šIām declaring that there will be more joy in these following days, weeks, and months than Iāve previously experienced, and that it will last beyond this season
š Iām declaring that my relationship with God will be stronger than ever, and there will be new depth to our connection
šIām declaring that when I look back at this season, I will see it as the season that forged me, the season that grew me, and the season that gave me what I needed to live my massive life
šIām declaring this to be a season where I found myself (all of myself) and allowed myself to shine
šIām declaring that Spring is on its way and the Winter will be over shortly
AMEN
