We’ve ALL made foolish choices before in life, but not everyone has had the blessing of someone who’s willing to speak into those choices and help redirect us.
Now, I can only speak from my personal experience of being on both sides of these conversations, and I’ve had it go a myriad of ways.
❇️ Sometimes I was receptive to what was being shared, and it changed my life.
❇️ Other times, I was so completely offended that someone even thought such a thing about me that I couldn’t hear the love behind the feedback.
❇️ I’ve had people yell at me when they weren’t ready to hear what was being said.
❇️ I have gotten to “pay it forward” in being a catalyst for changing someone’s life because they received and implemented the feedback that I gave.
❇️ I’ve had people cuss me out, then cut me out of their life, and we were later able to reconcile.
We have zero control over how someone reacts, but we DO have complete control over how and when we approach these conversations.
And one stand out approach I’ve experienced that works time and time again is COMPASSIONATE CURIOSITY ????
???? It looks like inquiring instead of telling.
???? Asking instead of demanding.
???? Get curious instead of coming from the angle of “you’re doing it wrong.”
Like I said, I’ve been on both sides of these conversations, and I’ve experienced all sorts of approaches – and you know the ones I resisted the most?
You guessed it – the ones where someone was attacking me, telling me how dumb I was being, and how the decisions I was making were ridiculous ????????♀️
I had ZERO desire to continue listening to said person – and while I tuned out what may have been very solid wisdom tucked in between the insults – I heard the insults, the put downs, and the disappointment they had towards me.
Looking back, in most of those scenarios, the person was truly well-meaning, and they genuinely care for me.
BUT, I couldn’t hear that through the words they said and the approach they took. Clumsy and harsh, to say the least.
On the other hand, I have been in many conversations that were HARD to hear, but I was able to actually stay in them because the person did the following things:
✨ They remained calm in their tone and approach
✨ They asked me questions (instead of presuming or putting their assumptions on me)
✨ They didn’t judge me, even if they disagreed with me
✨ They listened, without interrupting to prove their point or insert their opinion
✨ They let me feel all my emotions without trying to make me calm down
Here’s the thing…you may want to shake this person by the shoulders and slap ‘em across the face to wake them up to the fact that they’re “ruining their life” ????
BUT, none of those are actually helpful ???? They are all great ways to drive someone away, and give them further reason to rebel in their life choices.
If there’s one thing I can encourage you with as you embark upon having conversations with people, it’s COMPASSIONATE CURIOSITY.
???? It doesn’t mean you ever express your concerns, or share with them opportunities to grow into.
???? It doesn’t mean you let them walk all over you and agree with their actions and decisions.
???? It doesn’t mean you’re on the same page as them or that they’re horrible people if they’re making choices you don’t agree with.
???? It certainly doesn’t mean you hate them if you disagree with them!
???? It means you’ll get to learn things you didn’t know (every decision stems from somewhere, and often people are walking around with wounds we know nothing about).
???? It means you’ll get to hear someone who may not often get to be heard.
???? It means you’ll get to be part of someone’s breakthrough, revelation, and / or life-changing moment (not every time, but often times)
???? It means you’ll help them realize things they otherwise may not have, because they’re getting to explore the why behind the what.
If you actually want to help someone, COMPASSIONATE CURIOSITY is the approach I’d recommend ???? they may not always be ready, or want to hear it, so use discernment on what to bring up, when… but if you find yourself in a conversation where someone’s life could change, I’ll recommend this approach with applause and a smile ????
