Do you know how many women I’ve been jealous of over the years?
It’s been around everything from friendships they have to their homes to experiences they’ve shared about to their relationship status to how they interact with and hear from God.
All the things.
⭐ How well they handle difficult situations.
⭐ How gracious they are when a troll comes for them online.
⭐ How abundantly they live their extravagant life.
⭐ How cute they look all the time – whether they’re taking the garbage out or dressed to the nines.
⭐ How peaceful they are in the midst of a storm.
⭐ How they are thriving in their business.
⭐ How their husband raves about them, both to their face and behind their back.
All. The. Things.
And while I can still look at this list and think “dang – I’ve got work to do in ALL these areas” it no longer is a trigger for me because I’m not sitting in jealousy.
You’ve heard “comparison is the thief of joy” (thank you, Teddy Roosevelt) and that’s so accurate. When we’re comparing our real life to other people’s highlight reels, it can be easy to get swept away in the tumultuous waves of envy, the anxiety of not having arrived yet, and the disdain for the life we’re living because “it’s not _______.” (you fill in the blank).
When we spend our time in comparison, and being jealous over someone else’s joyful experiences, we are robbing ourselves of the present moment, which is where life is really happening. If you want to get dramatic, you’re killing your life when you spend it in jealousy.
So, you find yourself here – how do you get out of this trap?! How do you go from “jealous of” to genuine “celebration with” someone? Let’s start by highlighting that this is a journey for YOU to walk out, and you may not ever even need to loop the other person in. In fact, there’s a great chance they have no idea you’ve even had these jealous thoughts towards them. *Caveat here is if it’s damaged a relationship and you want to restore it, then you get to own your role in here and apologize and shift your behavior accordingly.
Here are the stages I’ve noticed that I’ve walked through in this journey, and they may help you pinpoint where you’re at:
➤ Jealousy of them (“I wish I had ______.”)
➤ Frustrated / annoyed with me (“why can’t I figure out how to have ______?”)
➤ Sadness (wallowing in the “life would be so much better if ______.”) pity party
➤ Forgiveness towards myself (repenting from being tied into my own lack instead of the abundance that’s surrounding me in my own life)
➤ Perspective shift (I can see that them winning is inspiration to me, not a detriment to my own victories)
➤ *Apologize (if necessary. This is where you’d ask for forgiveness – for letting jealousy get in the way of your friendship. And note the line about shifting your behavior accordingly. Apologizing is great, but showing you’re truly sorry with actions is way better!)
➤ Celebrating them (truly being joyful with them for their victories)
If you’re in this cycle, you’re invited to get off the ride. Friend, you’ve had the controls all along, but it’s been too chaotic to press the stop button, unbuckle yourself, and step off the ride.
This is your moment.
If, in reading this post, you’ve found yourself in here, then imagine time at a stand still, pause that jealous thought, and take a conscious moment to shift it into “I’m so thankful she’s showing me what’s possible!” because that’s literally all that’s happening.
She’s showing you what’s possible.
What a gift ?
P.S. Obviously in the picture, the wolf is jealously, and if I were being wise, I wouldn’t put my hand near its snarling mouth! My hand. My choice.