Sometimes I have the thought of “oh my gosh! What if so-and-so stopped by randomly today?!”
And I can assure you this has never actually happened, and the people that pop to mind are so thoroughly unlikely to stop by – but you know, the mind does funny things sometimes ?
Then it takes it a step further and says “What if they asked to poke around your house and look wherever they wanted? What would you say? How would you react?”
And honestly, I’d be cool with it. Like, I don’t have anything to hide, and my home is (almost always) clean and tidy – and when it’s not, it’s still a welcoming environment.
But if they asked to poke around my mind and look at my thoughts? Aiy yai yai! What a different reaction I might have ?
Now, it’s not that I don’t keep things clean and tidy in my mind (i.e. I definitely expel a lot from my mind that’s useless or taking up space, and I do brain dumps a lot to get things out of the way), but *phew* there are definitely some thoughts in there that I’d be embarrassed for people to know ?
Like, what if they knew:
✔ how much time I spent beating myself up for things I did / said / thought in the past
✔ that sometimes I don’t want to be a leader and I want to be able to just come and go as I please, with no responsibilities
✔ how frequently I battle in my mind against myself (what I think vs what I know to be true)
✔ the thoughts of frustration I have towards myself
✔ how often I doubt myself
✔ the thoughts I’ve had in anger towards others
✔ that I feel inadequate more than I’d care to admit
✔ how much time it feels like I’m wasting in my life
✔ the memories I have of all the times I hurt people
✔ all the made-up-scenarios I play through in my mind
What if they knew?!
? Would they still trust me?
? Would they still like me?
? Would they still hear any wisdom that I share?
? Would they still come to me for prayer?
? Would they still want to be around me?
What if they knew?
Now they do (if they’re reading this) and I just get to trust that the ones who are meant to stick will stick. The ones who are going to fall away will. And anyone who’s going to try to use this against me won’t be able to because I’m the one that brought it to the light, and it no longer holds any power.
What is it you hope no one ever finds out?
If you want freedom from those things, it’s up to YOU to bring them to the light. It’s when someone else sheds light on our darkness that it feels destructive. But if WE shed light on our darkness, we release it.
So, find some trusted confidantes to walk through life with, and share with them these things.
I had a pastor once say “one person doesn’t need to know every single thing about you, but every single thing about you should be known by at least one person.” and it’s stuck with me ever since!
So, let yourself be known.
It takes courage, and practice, and growth in learning who to share what with – but it’s SO worth it!
Pick one thing (the thing that seems to endlessly swirl in the back of your head and bring you concern) and share THAT with someone.
Hire a counselor. Pay a therapist. Tell a friend. But get it off your chest and OUT of your mind.
Then you won’t ever have to hope that no one ever finds out.
You’ll be mighty blessed by the freedom that comes in living this way!
