š„ Single ladies, Iām about to UNLEASH š„ so if youāre feeling thin-skinned (or you know youāre compromising in your dating life and you donāt want to be called on it)…
ā ļøYouāve been warned ā ļø
Girl. Youāre doing yourself a HUGE š disservice š (and unintentionally sabotaging yourself) by acting like a girl trying to get a husband.
Let me explain, because Iām not saying āstop being a lady whoās excited to meet her man.ā Iām saying if you want to attract a high-caliber man who will cherish and honor you, then start cherishing and honoring yourself first.
Hereās a filter I often use, and let me tell you what – it makes decisions SO easy!! Itās simply this āwould I wear / do / say this if my husband knew / saw / heard me?ā
⨠If I have any feminists here who are gonna call this out as being under my husbandās thumb, (š respectfully š) back off š If the tables were turned, Iād expect the same respect from him. I wouldnāt want to know that heās out there skippinā around on girls, flirting with anyone who breathes, dressing in a way to garner attention, etc. So, Iām gonna take that responsibility on me and start where Iām at – right here, right now!
If I wouldnāt wear an outfit when Iām married (because itās too scantily clad now that Iām a wife and donāt want other men leering at me), then Iām not gonna wear it now. Can I just call out Halloween outfits for a moment? LADIES – you are worth so much more than lingerie masquerading as an outfit. Do not stoop to that level š« You may think itās just one night, but the shame and ick that comes with it lingers well beyond that – and it has you step into a world of filth thatās not where you belong!!
Iād like to put it to you that if youāre dressing like that to get attention (hello, cleavage, booty shorts, and itty-bitty/skin-tight dresses), then you get to learn about your worth and identity in Christ. Aināt no daughter of the King need to be flauntinā all they got to get no man. Nuh-uh!
ā And if youāre dressing like that to get a manās attention (only you will know your true intentions with how you dress), then youāre kidding yourself if you believe that heās really drawn to YOU more than your body luring him in. Thereās a great chance heās only mostly attracted to a scantily clad version of you, and not actually you. If he only āvaluesā you because of how much of your body youāre showing, consider that he may not value YOU at all, but may just be excited about the possibilities your BODY could offer him.
Dressing (or acting or speaking) in a specific way to elicit a specific type of response from someone is actually a form of manipulation. If you manipulate someone to āgetā them, then youāre going to have to continue with that manipulation to keep them, AND, youāre also causing them to fall for a false version of you.
Not to mention, youāll be living as a faƧade, and youāll be attracting other peopleās husbands, which is such an ICKY thing to be part of.
š£š£š£ Iām going to take a small tangent to speak to that for a moment, because I have found myself in the very unfortunate situation of having a married man express feelings for me – feelings that were (1) not mutual, and (2) completely unintentionally evoked in my naĆÆvetĆ©. It was a devastation to their marriage, and something Iāve had to do very intentional work to heal from š I donāt like for one second that Iāve had anything to do with brokenness in a relationship, and itās something I will hold firm boundaries on now that Iām aware.
Donāt be naĆÆve about this. The momentary āthrillā of attention is NOT worth it. Marriage is sacred, and itās worth bringing consciousness to something thatās perhaps been flying under the radar in your life š¬
A lot of these are subconscious thoughts that may not be something you’ve been aware of until right now, that it’s been brought to your attention. The great news is, it’s not too late to start doing something differently!
And you can start today. Better to start today and change before marriage, than to realize after marriage that your behavior is damaging your relationship.
ā
Clean out your closet if you need to.
ā
Change the videos you record for TikTok.
ā
Stop dangling yourself in front of a bunch of guys just to get attention.
This doesnāt mean youāre going to live a dowdy life, but I promise you that your life will hold honor and respect like never before when you start operating from this place of acting like a wife instead of a girl whoās trying to get a husband.
God reminds us that āhe who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.ā (Proverbs 18:22). You want to be found by a man of valor, character, and depth? Then act like a wife, and not like a girl trying to get a husband.
š¬ This goes for how you talk – minding your flirtation.
š¬ This goes for who you spend time with, and when. When youāre married, will you be āinnocentlyā snuggling on the couch with your āfriendā?
š¬ This goes for who you are letting influence you in your day-to-day life. You may need to cut off some relationships while you learn boundaries
š¬ This goes for your sexual activity. If you wouldnāt sleep with someone elseās husband when youāre married, then donāt sleep with someone elseās husband when youāre single.
ššGirl, this means that if he aināt your husband (as in, youāre not currently married to him), heās someone elseās (whether heās married at the time of your sexual encounter or not)šš
š„ I said what I said (with SO MUCH LOVE) š„
You wanna be a wife someday? Start acting like one now š
P.S. If youāre feeling wounded or raw or really called out after reading through this post 𩹠I would love to talk you through this š¤ This is coming from a loving older sister vibe and not to condemn AT ALL! Iāve just seen too much destruction, and know the internal heartache of compromising all too well, that I donāt want you to walk through all that pain!
š LOVE YOU, SIS!