? Single ladies, I’m about to UNLEASH ? so if you’re feeling thin-skinned (or you know you’re compromising in your dating life and you don’t want to be called on it)…
⚠️You’ve been warned ⚠️
Girl. You’re doing yourself a HUGE ? disservice ? (and unintentionally sabotaging yourself) by acting like a girl trying to get a husband.
Let me explain, because I’m not saying “stop being a lady who’s excited to meet her man.” I’m saying if you want to attract a high-caliber man who will cherish and honor you, then start cherishing and honoring yourself first.
Here’s a filter I often use, and let me tell you what – it makes decisions SO easy!! It’s simply this “would I wear / do / say this if my husband knew / saw / heard me?”
✨ If I have any feminists here who are gonna call this out as being under my husband’s thumb, (? respectfully ?) back off ? If the tables were turned, I’d expect the same respect from him. I wouldn’t want to know that he’s out there skippin’ around on girls, flirting with anyone who breathes, dressing in a way to garner attention, etc. So, I’m gonna take that responsibility on me and start where I’m at – right here, right now!
If I wouldn’t wear an outfit when I’m married (because it’s too scantily clad now that I’m a wife and don’t want other men leering at me), then I’m not gonna wear it now. Can I just call out Halloween outfits for a moment? LADIES – you are worth so much more than lingerie masquerading as an outfit. Do not stoop to that level ? You may think it’s just one night, but the shame and ick that comes with it lingers well beyond that – and it has you step into a world of filth that’s not where you belong!!
I’d like to put it to you that if you’re dressing like that to get attention (hello, cleavage, booty shorts, and itty-bitty/skin-tight dresses), then you get to learn about your worth and identity in Christ. Ain’t no daughter of the King need to be flauntin’ all they got to get no man. Nuh-uh!
❌ And if you’re dressing like that to get a man’s attention (only you will know your true intentions with how you dress), then you’re kidding yourself if you believe that he’s really drawn to YOU more than your body luring him in. There’s a great chance he’s only mostly attracted to a scantily clad version of you, and not actually you. If he only “values” you because of how much of your body you’re showing, consider that he may not value YOU at all, but may just be excited about the possibilities your BODY could offer him.
Dressing (or acting or speaking) in a specific way to elicit a specific type of response from someone is actually a form of manipulation. If you manipulate someone to “get” them, then you’re going to have to continue with that manipulation to keep them, AND, you’re also causing them to fall for a false version of you.
Not to mention, you’ll be living as a façade, and you’ll be attracting other people’s husbands, which is such an ICKY thing to be part of.
??? I’m going to take a small tangent to speak to that for a moment, because I have found myself in the very unfortunate situation of having a married man express feelings for me – feelings that were (1) not mutual, and (2) completely unintentionally evoked in my naïveté. It was a devastation to their marriage, and something I’ve had to do very intentional work to heal from ? I don’t like for one second that I’ve had anything to do with brokenness in a relationship, and it’s something I will hold firm boundaries on now that I’m aware.
Don’t be naïve about this. The momentary “thrill” of attention is NOT worth it. Marriage is sacred, and it’s worth bringing consciousness to something that’s perhaps been flying under the radar in your life ?
A lot of these are subconscious thoughts that may not be something you’ve been aware of until right now, that it’s been brought to your attention. The great news is, it’s not too late to start doing something differently!
And you can start today. Better to start today and change before marriage, than to realize after marriage that your behavior is damaging your relationship.
✅ Clean out your closet if you need to.
✅ Change the videos you record for TikTok.
✅ Stop dangling yourself in front of a bunch of guys just to get attention.
This doesn’t mean you’re going to live a dowdy life, but I promise you that your life will hold honor and respect like never before when you start operating from this place of acting like a wife instead of a girl who’s trying to get a husband.
God reminds us that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22). You want to be found by a man of valor, character, and depth? Then act like a wife, and not like a girl trying to get a husband.
? This goes for how you talk – minding your flirtation.
? This goes for who you spend time with, and when. When you’re married, will you be “innocently” snuggling on the couch with your “friend”?
? This goes for who you are letting influence you in your day-to-day life. You may need to cut off some relationships while you learn boundaries
? This goes for your sexual activity. If you wouldn’t sleep with someone else’s husband when you’re married, then don’t sleep with someone else’s husband when you’re single.
??Girl, this means that if he ain’t your husband (as in, you’re not currently married to him), he’s someone else’s (whether he’s married at the time of your sexual encounter or not)??
? I said what I said (with SO MUCH LOVE) ?
You wanna be a wife someday? Start acting like one now ?
P.S. If you’re feeling wounded or raw or really called out after reading through this post ? I would love to talk you through this ? This is coming from a loving older sister vibe and not to condemn AT ALL! I’ve just seen too much destruction, and know the internal heartache of compromising all too well, that I don’t want you to walk through all that pain!
? LOVE YOU, SIS!