If you’re still mad at someone for how they hurt you, it’s no longer THEM hurting you. It’s YOU hurting you. You can’t blame them for YOUR choice to hold onto it.
If you’re gripping something so tight and your knuckles are white and your hands are sore, that’s 100% completely and fully on YOU. You could choose at any point to let go and if you refuse to, then stop giving THEM credit for YOUR choice and YOUR emotions.
I KNOW that one stings, and all of your alarms are going off, probably wanting to say some pretty feisty things to me right about now, but I’m gonna ask you to hold off for just a moment and hear me out – because I’M NOT CONDONING THEIR ACTIONS AT ALL!
I’m not agreeing with them.
I’m not remotely saying that what they did was okay.
I’m not pretending that you weren’t wronged in some way.
I’ve no doubt that you’ve experienced excruciating pain where someone else was involved.
But I need you to realize that if you are focused on the pain that was caused, stewing with unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, anger, hatred, or any other myriad of emotions pointed towards someone else, you are the one suffering for it – not them.
If you were to hold a glass of water straight out in front of you, eventually your arm would be exhausted and you’d need to set the water down or drop it and make a mess. What makes you think it’s any different with holding onto emotions?
If you hold onto unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, anger, hatred, etc. then you are only exhausting yourself, and no one’s making you hold that glass of emotions straight out in front of you.
SET THE GLASS DOWN and walk away. It’s not for you to hold anymore. It’s exhausting your strength, and it’s keeping you from having full use of your hands.
Emotionally, when you hold onto negative emotions, you’re
draining your emotional energy
capping your ability to navigate life as it continues to happen
stunting your growth into a mature and emotionally healthy adult
depleting your ability to enjoy positive emotions
giving the people who hurt you complete control over your emotions
You’re effectively telling them “Because you were involved in my pain, I’m going to relinquish my ownership of my own emotions and I’m giving you full reign to control them. And while you’re at it, I’m going to give you all the time and space you want to roam around in my mind and remind me of the pain.”
Now, if you were being REALLY honest with yourself, is there any way in your right mind you would EVER give them that actual authority and power in your life? HELL, NO!
A BIG HELL, NO! Based on their actions up to this point, I wouldn’t encourage you to trust them with your emotions and thought life moving forward, BUT that’s literally what you’re doing if you keep gripping onto what they did.
So often people refuse to forgive because “what they did to me was wrong and unforgivable!” but as you’ve maybe heard “that’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
YOU are the one suffering if you don’t forgive. It’s not a gift for THEM, it’s freedom for YOU!
Imagine your life without spending so much time and energy and emotion on THEM and what they did!!
Imagine how much time you would get back if it’s not being wasted on playing and replaying the situation(s) over and over and over!
That life is completely possible…..IF YOU FORGIVE THEM!
It’s a sweet freedom to experience life without their ongoing influence and reminder of the pain.
It’s a process, and not just a one-time “fine, I forgive them” apathetic statement – but IT IS WORTH IT!
Choose forgiveness. It’s worth every ounce of discomfort, and peeling back every layer of realizing there’s more. Eventually you’ll reach the last layer and be fully free and it will be marvelous!!
Forgiveness is for YOU, whether they deserve it or not is irrelevant. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness today! You’re worth it. It’s worth it. Being free from the constant torment is worth it!