You’ve been single the whole time I’ve known you

 “You’ve been single the whole time I’ve known you.”

Anyone who’s known me over the last 5 years could say that. It’s not really *news*, but it hit me like a ton of bricks when he said it to my face 

To be honest, it really hurt 

Look, I genuinely love my life  and it’s taken a lot of intentional work, dedication, and healing to get to this point  BUT, I also really am looking forward to meeting my man, and there are moments where I feel especially raw around that yet-to-be-realized desire  He caught me in one of them 

Part of me was like “dude, I KNOW! I’m well aware. That’s kind of a jerk thing to say.” 

Part of me was like “don’t you even understand how much I wish that wasn’t the case? And how I really want to know who my husband is? And how much it completely sucks that you’re saying this to me right now and metaphorically slapping me in the face with it?!” 

Part of me wanted to get defensive and say “well, yeah – I’d love to date IF THE MEN WOULD RISE UP AND ASK!!”  but, truth be told, I don’t actually want to be asked out by just anyone I want to be pursued by a man I’m mutually interested in.  Note: that burst of internal frustration was just a momentary reactive thought, not what I genuinely believe about men  Y’all are incredible and I’m blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of truly awesome ones! (And credit to the men out there who have asked. I wasn’t willing to lead you on, but honor your candor in approaching me.)

Part of me wanted to be snarky and say “tell me something I don’t know!” but I’ve been really intentional to not let any past pain do my talking for me. It never goes well when I do 

Part of me wanted to look him dead in the eyes and say “you had your chance and you totally blew it!”  but I didn’t suppose he’d be up for meeting me in that accusatory conversation, and I don’t actually want HIM. I liked the idea of him, and his potential, and that’s not fair at all to be in a relationship with “who you hope they’ll be someday” – I’ve done it. Don’t do it! 

 But, I digress. What I actually said was “yep, that’s true. I’m open to dating though. Just haven’t connected with the man God has for me yet.” Plain and simple 

Ladies, if I can encourage you in one thing, it’s this: DON’T SETTLE Don’t lower your standards, or give up hope, or try something you’re not really on board with just because you want a relationship 

 I get it. I really do.
▪︎I have settled.
▪︎I have lowered my standards.
▪︎I have given up hope.
▪︎I have tried when I wasn’t really on board.

All for the sake of filling a void and not being alone.

IT’S NOT WORTH IT

Don’t do it. Learn from my past heartache, and trust that God will come through.

 His best for you will trump anything you thought would be worth settling for.

He’s not a “settle” God.  He’s a
very best
excellence-only
life-giving
promise keeping
exceedingly/abundantly above and beyond
God and HEWILLCOMETHROUGH

 You can watch my story unfold, and see Him in action. My story will be a testament to
His goodness
His perfect timing
His follow-through

I’m putting His name on the line here because I know, with % confidence, that He’s good for it.

 Watch. And. See.

To Him be the glory, AMEN 

And if you’re reading this wishing you had this certainty in God’s goodness, and you crave being able to ENJOY life now, even sans a relationship, then you’re invited to step into my Growth and Grace mentorship, where I share wisdom, practical steps, and encouragement to help you live your best life NOW 

Curious if you’re ready to step into that and what it would look like? Email me at growthandgracelife@gmail.com and let’s connect!